Internet Dating: How to Recognize a Con Artist
Con Artist Red
Flag 1: Con artists have many friends and family members but
you never seem to meet them
Con artists know that to be effective they have to hide their past. They are smart enough to know that if they come across as "loners", this may raise a red flag with their next victim. They will often go into great detail describing their friends, family members, co-workers, and experiences they had together. In a way, this makes them (the friends and family) "witnesses" to the lies they are telling you, and give the victim of the con artist a false sense of security. They wouldn't lie about their experiences or who they are if you can easily verify their lie by speaking with their friends and family and associates, right? Wrong. You will NEVER meet these people!
Con Artist Red Flag 2: Con Artists know that you won't give your money to someone that has none of their own so they brag about how much money they have, or will soon have.
The con artist will try to show you how intelligent they are, make you believe they have an education that they don't, have a career and experience that they don't, and have money that they don't. They then, after convincing you of these things, ask you to pick up a tab (of course they will pay you back, they have the money, it is just tied up right now), invite you to join them in a money-making opportunity (they know what they are doing, they are successful, right?) and present it as if you would be a fool to not take this opportunity. If you are going to be a couple, you have to have trust them, right? They make you feel that if you don't trust them and do what they ask, the relationship is doomed, and it will be YOUR fault because you didn't trust them. They also want to create the illusion that they are always busy, because they have so many things going on, because then it won't seem so strange to the victim that the con artist isn't available to talk, email, phone, or meet. The only thing they are really busy with is another con, involving another VICTIM, who is being told the same things you are.
Con Artist Red Flag 4: Inconsistency
At the beginning the con artist will come on strong. They will try to achieve a "fast sell" very quickly. They will talk for hours on the phone, email you constantly, chat with you on the computer, have kind words and compliments and "warm and fuzzies" by the bucketload. As you get closer to giving them what they want, they will pull back on that behavior. First of all it wasn't genuine in the first place, but the con artist knows that by pulling away and being inconsistent they will make you begin to feel insecure, and this would make you more likely to give them what they want! They take the stance of "I have done everything in my power to show you I am genuine, now it is YOUR turn to step up to the plate". In actuality, what DID they really DO??? Nothing, they just talked the talk. It's what they are good at, not how they REALLY feel about you.
When you catch a con artist in a lie he will get VERY angry with you and turn the tables on you. It is not YOU that is allowed to be mad at THEM for lying, it is THEM that are mad at YOU for questioning them. (THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG) They will also make you all these promises for the future, of how they are going to take care of you, help you, marry you, etc, yet when you bring these things up further down the line they will DENY having ever even SAID it.
Con Artist Red Flag 5: You are keeping information or lying to friends and family.
If this person IS such a wonderful person, why can't you tell people the truth about them? Because they would get mad? Yes, they would, because they REALLY DO love you and don't want you hurt. If you ever have to hide your relationship or details about it from those who have PROVEN to be trusted, you are actually HELPING the con artist to succeed! The best and easiest way to con is to separate the victim from friends and family that would HELP them, or WARN them. You should be able to tell the truth about your relationship, and if you cannot, it is because you are being conned, taken advantage of, and mistreated. It is time to face the facts.
.Con Artist Red Flag 6: Promises - you make them and must keep them or else, yet they always break them. If you are constantly forgiving them for not coming through with their promises, you have shown the con artist what they can get away with, and believe me, it will escalate, and escalate. But if YOU don't keep YOUR promises, you are in BIG trouble with the con artist!! If you are always being forgiving (and they are the ones always screwing up) but they are sooo unforgiving when YOU "supposedly" screw up take a step back, and ask yourself "Why do they always expect ME to be understanding when THEY never are!" This is not healthy, and is not a part of a good relationship.
Artist Red Flag 7: Selective Amnesia and other tricks of the con
Notice how when you bring up promises the con artist made to you they deny having ever said it or have forgotten they have said it? This is the con artists version of "selective amnesia", where they hold you to every thing you have said, but when you call them out for what they said, or promised you, they have "forgotten", or you misinterpreted them, or misunderstood. No you didn't. It is their manipulation of their words, they can take them back at any time, change them, however you cannot. Speaking of words, another word game of the con artist is to promise but never deliver. Keep the victim on the string by promising them or talking about what will happen "someday". (Someday is never going to come, by the way.) You have heard it all, but what have they DONE? What have you really SEEN? Anything? If their words say one thing, and their actions another, you are being conned. People seem to feel words are more important than actions, when in actuality, it is the REVERSE. And, if the actions and words don't MATCH, then the WORDS are LIES. If they tell you they love you, do their actions show it? No? Then they don't love you. If all the promises they make and plans they make are for the future, not NOW, the reality is you have NOTHING now. You get so caught up in what is going to happen "someday" that you don't focus on what is happening TODAY, and that's how they string you along with such ease, and you are like the hamster on the wheel, never getting anywhere.
Con Artist Red Flag 8: The con artists version
of "proving your love"
If the con artist is implying that by not investing money, letting them use your credit card, loaning them money, buying them gifts, footing a bill, that you don't love them, ask yourself this question: Would every member of your family or all of your good friends loan you money, invest with you, foot your bills, etc? No? Does that mean your friends and family don't love you? NO. And since this con artist has a family of his OWN and friends of their OWN why is it always YOU bailing them out? With everything you have done for them, said to them, etc already, why doesn't any of THAT prove you love them? Why must YOU continually prove YOUR love?
Con Artist Red Flag 9: The military career, the
government job with the C.I.A, F.B.I., or undercover police officer,
I am not saying that ALL internet daters cannot legitimately work any of those jobs, but way to many con artists use these lines of work to avoid answering your questions, keep from meeting you, hold them unaccountable if they don't call/write/show up, and afford them the luxury of an excuse for just about anything. Please, use your head, an undercover police officer cannot tell their FAMILY and FRIENDS but they are going to tell YOU, someone on the internet that they don't KNOW? Get real. How many of you has heard of someone talking to an employee of the F.B.I that is awaiting "clearance" so they can meet in person or meet them at work? We have heard this so many times, and wonder how people can believe this! You really think an F.B.I. employee is going to ask his bosses to check into someone they met on the internet so they can meet them or meet them at work? Gee, that could be a great career move, don't you think? Use your head!
Con Artist Red Flag 10: They would be rich/successful/or not in trouble if.....
Here is the "woe is me" part of their script. There is always someone that "supposedly" screwed the con artist over. (actually, they may give NUMEROUS examples of being screwed over) This is because they do not accept responsibility for anything and blame someone else, and also to illicit sympathy from the victim.