Con Artist Red
Flag 1: Con artists have many friends and family members but
you never seem to meet them
.
Con artists know that to be effective they have to hide
their past. They are smart enough to know that if they come across
as "loners", this may raise a red flag with their next
victim. They will often go into great detail describing their
friends, family members, co-workers, and experiences they had
together. In a way, this makes them (the friends and family)
"witnesses" to the lies they are telling you, and give the victim
of the con artist a false sense of security. They wouldn't lie
about their experiences or who they are if you can easily verify
their lie by speaking with their friends and family and
associates, right? Wrong. You will NEVER meet these people!
Con Artist Red Flag 2: Con Artists know that you won't give
your money to someone that has none of their own so they brag
about how much money they have, or will soon have.
The con artist will try to show you how intelligent they are, make
you believe they have an education that they don't, have a career
and experience that they don't, and have money that they don't.
They then, after convincing you of these things, ask you to pick
up a tab (of course they will pay you back, they have the
money, it is just tied up right now), invite you to join them in a
money-making opportunity (they know what they are doing, they are
successful, right?) and present it as if you would be a fool to
not take this opportunity. If you are going to be a couple, you
have to have trust them, right? They make you feel that if you
don't trust them and do what they ask, the relationship is doomed,
and it will be YOUR fault because you didn't trust them. They also
want to create the illusion that they are always busy, because
they have so many things going on, because then it won't seem so
strange to the victim that the con artist isn't available to talk,
email, phone, or meet. The only thing they are really busy with is
another con, involving another VICTIM, who is being told the same
things you are.
Con Artist Red Flag 4:
Inconsistency
At the beginning the con artist will come on strong. They will try
to achieve a "fast sell" very quickly. They will talk for hours on
the phone, email you constantly, chat with you on the computer,
have kind words and compliments and "warm and fuzzies" by the
bucketload. As you get closer to giving them what they want, they
will pull back on that behavior. First of all it wasn't genuine in
the first place, but the con artist knows that by pulling away and
being inconsistent they will make you begin to feel insecure, and
this would make you more likely to give them what they want! They
take the stance of "I have done everything in my power to show you
I am genuine, now it is YOUR turn to step up to the plate". In
actuality, what DID they really DO??? Nothing, they just talked
the talk. It's what they are good at, not how they REALLY feel
about you.
When you catch a con artist in a
lie he will get VERY angry with you and turn the tables on you. It
is not YOU that is allowed to be mad at THEM for lying, it is THEM
that are mad at YOU for questioning them. (THIS IS A HUGE RED
FLAG) They will also make you all these promises for the future,
of how they are going to take care of you, help you, marry you,
etc, yet when you bring these things up further down the line they
will DENY having ever even SAID it.
Con Artist Red Flag 5: You are keeping information or
lying to friends and family.
If this person IS such a
wonderful person, why can't you tell people the truth about them?
Because they would get mad? Yes, they would, because they REALLY
DO love you and don't want you hurt. If you ever have to hide your
relationship or details about it from those who have PROVEN to be
trusted, you are actually HELPING the con artist to succeed! The
best and easiest way to con is to separate the victim from friends
and family that would HELP them, or WARN them. You should be able
to tell the truth about your relationship, and if you cannot, it
is because you are being conned, taken advantage of, and
mistreated. It is time to face the facts.
Con
Artist Red Flag 7: Selective Amnesia and other tricks of the con
artist
Notice how when you bring up promises the con artist
made to you they deny having ever said it
or have forgotten they have said it? This is the con artists version
of "selective amnesia", where they hold you to every thing you have
said, but when you call them out for what they said, or promised
you, they have "forgotten", or you misinterpreted them, or
misunderstood. No you didn't. It is their manipulation of their
words, they can take them back at any time, change them, however you
cannot. Speaking of words, another word game of the con artist is to
promise but never deliver. Keep the victim on the string by
promising them or talking about what will happen "someday". (Someday
is never going to come, by the way.) You have heard it all, but what
have they DONE? What have you really SEEN? Anything? If their words
say one thing, and their actions another, you are being conned.
People seem to feel words are more important than actions, when in
actuality, it is the REVERSE. And, if the actions and words don't
MATCH, then the WORDS are LIES. If they tell you they love you, do
their actions show it? No? Then they don't love you. If all the
promises they make and plans they make are for the future, not NOW,
the reality is you have NOTHING now. You get so caught up in what is
going to happen "someday" that you don't focus on what is happening
TODAY, and that's how they string you along with such ease, and you
are like the hamster on the wheel, never getting anywhere.
Con Artist Red Flag 8: The con artists version
of "proving your love"
If the con artist is implying that by not
investing money, letting them use your credit card, loaning them
money, buying them gifts, footing a bill, that you don't love them,
ask yourself this question: Would every member of your family or all
of your good friends loan you money, invest with you, foot your
bills, etc? No? Does that mean your friends and family don't love
you? NO. And since this con artist has a family of his OWN and
friends of their OWN why is it always YOU bailing them out? With
everything you have done for them, said to them, etc already, why
doesn't any of THAT prove you love them? Why must YOU continually
prove YOUR love?
Con Artist Red Flag 9: The military career, the
government job with the C.I.A, F.B.I., or undercover police officer,
etc
I am not saying that ALL internet daters cannot
legitimately work any of those jobs, but way to many con artists use
these lines of work to avoid answering your questions, keep from
meeting you, hold them unaccountable if they don't call/write/show
up, and afford them the luxury of an excuse for just about anything.
Please, use your head, an undercover police officer cannot tell
their FAMILY and FRIENDS but they are going to tell YOU, someone on
the internet that they don't KNOW? Get real. How many of you
has heard of someone talking to an employee of the F.B.I that is
awaiting "clearance" so they can meet in person or meet them at
work? We have heard this so many times, and wonder how people can
believe this! You really think an F.B.I. employee is going to ask
his bosses to check into someone they met on the internet so they
can meet them or meet them at work? Gee, that could be a great
career move, don't you think? Use your head!
Con Artist Red Flag 10: They would be rich/successful/or not in trouble if.....
Here is the "woe is me" part of their script. There is always someone that "supposedly" screwed the con artist over. (actually, they may give NUMEROUS examples of being screwed over) This is because they do not accept responsibility for anything and blame someone else, and also to illicit sympathy from the victim.
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